My Life, Thus Far...

I am Bridget Jones. No, I am Bridget Jones’ underpants. And not the sexy pair that she whips out of her draw at the very end of the movie, just before she goes off chasing Mr. Darcy in the snow. You all know the pair I am talking about, but that’s not me. I am the pair of granny panties, worn with such displeasure, but such a need on certain occasions. Yes, I am a pair of flab constricting, all the way up to your boobs, granny underpants.

Upon this acknowledgment of my sorry state of being granny all-the-way-up-to-your-boobs underpants, I decided that just in case on the off chance I get hit by a bus tomorrow and have forgotten to change my underpants (of the non-granny variety of course – it is only Tuesday) maybe, just maybe there will be someone who can say something more at my funeral than, ‘she always just had such great hair’.

To sum up my life, thus far, after four years of university, the thought of putting my talents to use seemed like a silly idea. That and the fact that I didn’t want to be just another starving writer, instead, I decided to prolong repayment for my university degree and become a starving retail salesperson instead.

Now working in retail has many benefits and affords you all the pleasures of having a chance to talk to just about every single representation of society there is, while getting paid for it. And even though ‘paid’ is used here in the loosest sense when talking about working in retail, it is still important all the same.

Just how important it is that you are getting paid to work in retail, becomes apparent when there is a women/customer (I think she was just lonely) who walks into your store and then proceeds to break down into tears and tell you her life story, including the part where her sister ran over her cat. And so while this unknown women who is clearly not interested in shopping, breaks down, and as much as your humanly instincts are telling you that you should grab the nearest/sharpest object and stab yourself in the eye, you don’t. Why? Because you are being paid for it.

It also helps that you are being paid to be there, when you calmly explain to an irate customer, for possibly the tenth time in the last five minutes, that the reason you don’t currently have his/her size in stock, is because he/she falls into the same generic size as just about everyone else on the planet, and no, no matter how much you shout, I can’t just nip out the back, jump on a plane to China, wiz up the item in question on a sewing machine and jet back in time before the shop closes today. Sorry.

And so while I live my happy little life in the Nations Capital, sometimes, only sometimes on a particularly annoying day, where nothing ever goes right, it is then and only then, that my thoughts turn to plans for the future. Where will I go? What will I see? What will I do? But in the meantime, this is my life, thus far.