Nothing is ever really over. Not even this badly written observation on life. A conversation with a very good friend of mine a couple of days ago alerted me to the fact that I still have this blog. "Bullshit" I said when she told me. We had been discussing the best way to keep in touch; my friend being at the airport boarding gate and moments away from starting a two year working holiday in the UK. "I was reading it only five months ago, you haven't written anything in ages" came her reply. Well bugger me I thought. I could have sworn that during my 'must-get-myself-out-of-this-life' phase I went through nearly 24 months ago, I deleted it along with my Facebook and Twitter accounts. Apparently not. Double bugger was my next thought when I realised that yes, I still have a blog, and no, I do not remember the password thanks for your non-help Google accounts.
A couple of hours later having cracked the DaVinci code along with the Google Account Recovery function, I sit here wondering what was it that ever possessed me to start a blog in the first place? Vague memories of journalism classes at university appear in my head along with remembering that never ending thought that all bloggers apparently get. You know the one. The one that has brought together the masses of mothers, park rangers and wanna be writers alike. 'Surely I'm only one blog away from my mediocre life being translated into a book and three-movie-deal'. You can almost hear the collective clacking of keyboards around the world going into over drive after a baby's first steps; how a rainy Sunday turned into a life-changing event; or after yet another bad date. That's funny,witty and a story that we have never heard before right?
My feelings today may be particularly bitter as I have a permanent dislike for endings. I hate the feeling of things being over, of the gap that is left in my life. Relationships; career paths; TV drama series. Change: some embrace it, I run away from it. Why can't things always stay the same? Some little nutter will tell me that change is a good thing. Well, maybe. But that doesn't mean that I like it. I'm a child I know, but why did Donna quit, Josh leave to go campaign for Senator Santos and why does Leo have to die? Honestly, the US constitution should have changed and the Bartlett administration should just be allowed to stay in office forever (and Sam, Donna, Josh and Leo all come back too).
So maybe change also means I get off the couch, shower and leave the house once in a while but what is really the point? The 'real' world outside is still as corrupt and destined for self-destruction just as it was before. People still work 18 hour days to place value on material objects in the hope of creating a 'better life' for their children then they themselves had. In turn, children are still being raised by strangers from the age of six months, and will still need family counselling by the age of 14 to get over the fear of abandonment. There is still a hole in the ozone layer - bigger now I reckon, and some people still deny the theory of climate change. Troops from all over the world are still occupying countries that are not their own, and fundamentalist are still fighting for what they believe is 'right'. And who knows for how long we will be able to state with certainty that the sky being blue will never change. Nobody likes a negative Nancy, but I do wonder when is the good change going to come?
Philosophical words of wisdom about change currently run through my head. Are they my thoughts though? Or the thoughts of others passed along from generation to generation, attempting to inspire just a little more passion than the last. There seems to be a current trend in my generation to call for change. To fix what our parents did, and to fight for the future we want our children to have. It's great. Fantastic even, but what will happen socially, politically, environmentally and culturally when things do change? I hope that there are still people out there questioning these changes, keeping in mind that not all change is necessarily a good thing.
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